DISQUS

rmhager · 1 year ago

I think you've probably touched on several thorns in the side for many.

There's nothing like that "Aw, crap" moment after hitting reply instead of forward, when you're sending the message on to someone the original sender had not intended to recieve it. I've done it and learned early to read my responses and check addresses BEFORE hitting send.

My parents are forwarders .... drives me nuts.

xerox · 1 year ago

I've done that. And paid for it in spades. I accidentally forwarded a break up email to my girlfriend's best friend before I sent it to the soon to be ex.

Daphenlee · 1 year ago

All true!!! It really makes you think! Maybe a little too late... Gulp.

danhhoang · 1 year ago

I was thinking about the old days when me and a former girlfriend would exchange letters and what it used to mean to sit down and write meaningful words... now email is just another space of soulless words in forms of bits and bytes.

helene · 1 year ago

so true...my rule in a work situation is never send anything you don't want anyone to see in writing. Because anyone may see what you put your name to.

tom · 1 year ago

Your insights are right-on!

Thank you!

Alberto · 1 year ago

Good points. Another annoying thing is how rarely some people respond to questions you ask them in an email. I'm amazed to get a reply that addresses only some (or none) of the questions I've posed. And those questions are usually in plain view below their response. At least with written correspondence you may not have had the original letter in front of you-with email, you write your reply ON THE ORIGINAL LETTER! Of course, answering a question is an answer in itself.

Rachel · 1 year ago

Alberto - that is one of my pet peeves as well. I mean, how hard is it to go through the email before you, pay attention, and answer all the questions listed? I'm not sure if it's because people are lazy? Or they think they can get away with avoiding those questions? Or maybe it's because so many people are alliterate these days (skimming what they read instead of fully comprehending it). So frustrating.

Monavie · 1 year ago

Alberto, hit a key point here. That's almost as bad as a person who gets frustrated trying to get their point across, and they just keep sending you the same email thinking that it will make more sense the more they send it. I found an easy way to bomb-proof your emails is to print them off and edit them by hand, that way you don't feel rushed.

Emily Wong · 1 year ago

Hi Ophelia,

Good article! I'm enjoying your guest blogging here. You always manage to touch home with your insights. I actually try to avoid writing lengthy emails when I'm incredibly sleep-deprived for fear that I'll send something that can be read the wrong way. Like you said, there are no take backs.

A silly story for ya: my roommate had to email her paper to her professor before the midnite deadline. He was a bit of a bully in class. His name was Professor Harden, but she jokingly referred to him as "Professor Hard on." She was rushing to finish it, and hit the send button at 5 minutes to midnite. Then I heard a loud "Oh, crap!" She started her email with "Dear Professor Hardon."

Ernie Olson · 1 year ago

I received a handwritten letter in the mail today! It as thoughtfully written, the envelope sealed carefully, the stamp placed square to the envelope with just the right border. Ophelia's article reminded me of just how special the handwritten letter is, how rare it is, and how it can communicate on a level that cyber missives, regardless of their speed and convenience, can never hope to achieve. Thanks, Ophelia, keep up the good work. keep me thinking....

ophelia_chong · 1 year ago

i was with EnvelopeCollective.com for 8 months and scanned over 400 art mails. I still have them all safe in a box. The site is on sabbatical right now. Waiting for a refresh. Everyday I would get a beautiful handmade piece of art in the mail. And I still love sending art in the mail. I love the response I get, it's so worth it. Makes me smile when they tell me they received it. Reminds me, I need to send something to sacremento...

sbspalding · 1 year ago

What I loved about this article was that it did remind me of why mail will never truly die. These days when I receive a real, honest to goodness letter I save it.

There is something about actually taking the time to put ink to paper and put it in a mailbox that is orders of magnitude more personal than any email.

Great work Ophelia.

mbc · 1 year ago

more personal, and much harder to forward. ( ;

iris schneider · 1 year ago

so true. i'm going out to restock my stationery immediately and buy a book of stamps!

Rachel · 1 year ago

Thanks! I think I'll forward this to everyone I know!
;-)

jpostman · 1 year ago

My favorite email misuse story occurred one day when I composed a mushy "can't wait to see you and give you a hug and a kiss" email to my girlfriend, and accidentally sent it to my mailing list of 12 vice presidents of marketing and business development at other companies.

mbc · 1 year ago

my ex did that too (and included his family, coworkers, friends and me on the list).

Ada S · 1 year ago

Freedom of speech (and emailing) is something we need to insist on preserving. Anyone know of an email "shredder" macro program?

Nice article. Your cautionary tales are important to listen to.

dinah · 1 year ago

Like a pimple in the middle stage (big enough for everyone to see but no whithead to pop) Chain email letters are the worst! especially the SEND THIS TO 10 OF YOUR FRIENDS type. a scourge on the Forward button!

supafabulous · 1 year ago

love. Laughed out loud. More please.

Robbie McDonald · 1 year ago

Well said! The reply versus forward blunder strikes a chord for me. Your timing is perfect because I had just myspace-messaged a friend to ask for their snail mail account. I'm back into letter writing and finding it therapeutic. Email generally seems to be done in a hurry whereas letter writing gives me time to ruminate.

slippers · 1 year ago

hmm...
so is this the technology's fault?
people's lifestyle are getting easier now days

gailhowland · 1 year ago

well said ophelia. i still love to write letters by hand - there is something so special about a beautiful envelope, hand addressed with an interesting stamp.

i have made so many mistakes with the forward, reply and send button, that i can't even think about it...

Leda · 1 year ago

This was both informative and funny! And we who are not that hip with the internet needed to read it - if only to save ourselves!

Maggy Young · 1 year ago

Forget the name, but about a year ago, I read of a program which was designed specifically to resolve the 'can't take back' problem. This enabled you to blank out the text of a mis-sent email. Can anyone provide us with some info. on this one ? Seems a v. useful app. to me.

judes · 1 year ago

embarassing e-mails are the tip of the iceberg .. there have been many legal cases built around these types of knee jerk e-mails

Daren Salter · 1 year ago

...If you don't mind my asking, what sort of legal cases? That's very Interesting.

ophelia_chong · 1 year ago

sometimes its the whole body that goes into "jerk" mode. :O)

ophelia_chong · 1 year ago

yeah Judes do tell...:O)

Daren Salter · 1 year ago

After reading your column I now know the proper word ("threader") for one of my pet peeves. Right up there with the forwarded chain letters from your best friend's Aunt Sophie, with animated gifs of teddy bears releasing armloads of heart-shaped balloons...

semnachersuzanne@yahoo.com · 1 year ago

I have learned the hard way not to write anything in an email that I wouldn't want anyone else to read. Seriously limiting, I know, but believe me when I say I learned this the hard way,

Luis Orellana · 1 year ago

Let’s not forget the bcc Brownnoser. When a CEO asks you to be as candid as possible, this conversation will stay just within you and I. To later find out that the CEO responded to you and instead of BCC upper management he CC upper management. WITH YOUR EMAIL AND NAME ON THE VERY TOP. So much for confidentiality, you might as well start packing your box.

ophelia_chong · 1 year ago

I have had my emails copied and pasted to look like someone else's thoughts. Nice to know even though I am crazy, some people like to co-opt the craziness once in awhile. :O)

BenYishai · 1 year ago

What's really bad is when you have, say, a staunch Republican friend, you tend to write emails to most of your Democrat friends mentioning how stupid Republicans are, and you happen to incorrectly add the name of that Republican friend to your list of recipients. This of course is just one of a variety of such situations (messages ridiculing graduates of Berkelely sent to a graduate of Berkeley, ridiculing New Yorkers sent to a New Yorker, etc., and Allah help those who send messages to Islamists ridiculing Islamists!

Kamoo · 1 year ago

Great column! I just filled out a "real" card today and have no idea how much postage is.

amp · 1 year ago

Fast forwarders and easy-threaders simply make me postal. As the great ones once weezed, "If you want to destroy my letter- pull a thread as I walk away"
Great post, I agree - let's forward it everywhere!

mikejonespdx · 1 year ago

Sadly, this kind of stuff happens all around us now...bring back the letter!! how about...the phone call...what an antiquated idea. maybe it's time before we lose all ability to communicate gracefully.

I'm slightly embarrassed to say that i am constantly emailing co-workers that are within speaking distance to me. ouch!

ophelia_chong · 1 year ago

Maybe paper airplanes? or a string that goes from desk to desk with laundry clips. :O) that way if you need to stop it before it hits the other desk you can grab it mid air.

:O)
ophelia

sbspalding · 1 year ago

The phone call still exists, just not the land line. I think it does change the dynamic a little bit.

Kiwi D · 1 year ago

more, more, more, great ! looking forward to your next blog. Keep it coming baby. Love dis life, email and all that's coming are way.

Francesco · 1 year ago

The author instead of commenting on one topic has chosen so many topics that the readers have got confused. The author should modify or edit his blog.

ophelia_chong · 1 year ago

I have always disseminated information in a different pattern than most people. I prefer stream of consciousness to straight linear thought. To modify myself would then take out what the truth in my own peculiar voice.

:O) ophelia

Evelyn Fielding Lopez · 1 year ago

I love email, and I try to take care in crafting my messages (and I try even harder to think about sending before I send out something snarky). But there is no substitute for a real written letter or card for times when you really want to communicate something important: Sympathy, congratulations, best wishes, love.

Also, an email faux pas cannot be cured with another email. If you send out something nasty, offensive, or just really awkward, you HAVE to pick up the telephone and call the person to apologize. It's the only way you can be sure of communicating your feelings--email (even with the emoticons added) just can't sound sincere. You have to tell the person and let them hear you.

Lynn Latta · 1 year ago

Reply all is crazy annoying.
Attention to how your email actually sounds is an are that needs attention.
Then the famous ALL CAPS LIKE YOU ARE YELLING!
Where are the email 101 rules?

ophelia_chong · 1 year ago

The rules should be this, if you would say it face to face than it can be email. Email however does not have tonal inclinations, so what reads as a sarcastic email is actually a light hearted joke. And since we are pressed for time, some emails are shorthand missives. "U r fired" or "C u at TGIF @8pm w/BFF" are extreme examples of quickly written emails with no nuances attached. A well written email is as rare as its older sibling the handwritten letter. :O) ophelia

Sandra · 1 year ago

Great article! It made me laugh. I always appreciate "real" mail, handwritten, because I know how easy it is to "reply to all" and send something via email. Good job!

Take care,
-Sandra

Maggy Young · 1 year ago

Now 47 comments on an article on email. But a few words in favour. When the computer is in for repair, email is what most people really miss. Aw come on all , it's just so great NOT to have to write a proper letter & use snailmail whenever you want to ask a quick question / make a comment or answer it. It's just so nice NOT to spend all day trying to catch people on the phone. Letters have their place, but you can't send a question & get an answer back same hour & anything which saves the disruption of phones is a huge plus. Letters are are only appreciated now precisely because of their rarity, a bit like the horse & cart.

sbspalding · 1 year ago

I think that last part, the rarity, is important not to forget.
Imagine a world where you received 50 personal emails a day. Who could
keep up with the paper?

ophelia_chong · 1 year ago

I love your last line. How true. And I agree with you about email vs. snail mail. When I do send out letters, I take care in the presentation, most of the time its written on paper I personally hand set on a printing press.
(now that's hand crafted) :O)
It's interesting to now classify the personal letter as a "craft". Of course I love email because its not using paper. The speed, ease of use, just about everything about it. It can also work against the user if they are not careful of what they send. I am for slowing down a bit and taking the time to craft that email so that it is to the point and concise without filler.

And there should be a breathalyzer for those who send emails and IMs while drunk. I have gotten a few of those and after a bit of head scratching I think of how I can put it to good use.

thanks maggy. :O)

Maggy Young · 1 year ago

Hi ophelia, you hit on a good point, last sentence para. 2. With letters, you felt that you had to pad them, to make the letter worthwhile & also to save the need for another. The speed & ease of email makes you conscious of brevity. You think 'how can I put it more succintly?'
Also anyone yet got an answer to my earlier comment that there is an app. about a year old which enables you to blank out email contents after sending - great for sent in error. Can anyone tell us the name ? It was probably featured on TechCrunch or Mash.

sbspalding · 1 year ago

I've been looking on and off but I can't find it. I'll try to take a better
look this weekend.

pgsmith · 1 year ago

Very interesting. I prefer to write letters when dealing with personal issues, and try to be brief and careful when sending an email. Its like using a cell phone. Turn it off in a restaurant and in public. Answer when you can talk in private.

ChoiLatte · 1 year ago

Then there are people who hit "Reply All," just to say, "Hey, don't hit REPLY ALL!" Ah, technology...

Jo Ann Woh · 1 year ago

Hi Ophelia,

You've made some astute observations in your blog. You're a captivating writer and we wish you more and many! We too, hate
Forwards...apparently not enough else to do.

Best wishes to you and hoping you continue to add your thoughts as articulately as you have here.

ophelia_chong · 1 year ago

Thank you Jo Ann. :O) I hate it when I get mass emails with all the addresses visible. Then someone replies "Reply All". Its a ferris wheel that never stops.
:O) ophelia

Tom · 1 year ago

Such a brilliant read. Thank you.

DB · 1 year ago

Yes, this has happened to all of us, and it's only beginning. We have to be careful to be present to our communication more and more these days.

Email can create fear, but it also increases accountability...

Tosh · 1 year ago

Not to mention the inpersonality of it all.

JD · 1 year ago

I agree email is impersonal. A lot of problems can be solved by picking up the phone or talking face to face. With emails things can get blown out of proportion.

mp3 house · 1 year ago

in our days email is more easier instead of an postcard ;)